Why the holidays stress you out before they even begin, and how to quiet the story.
Pumpkin spice and everyone nice... or so we wish.
This time of year can be an absolute joy, or so stressful your hair turns gray before the new year. And honestly, Thanksgiving should be an easy win. Excessive amounts of delicious food. Friends, family, or both gathered in one place. No gifts to buy and no present obligations. What's not to like?
Yet we stress anyway. About the cooking and the baking. About making everyone comfortable, whether we're hosting or not. About what to wear, what not to wear, what to bring. And somehow we're already dreading December before the turkey is even thawed. I'm exhausted just writing this.
So why do we do this to ourselves?
Meet the Voice Behind the Holiday Stress
You know the one. The voice you can't seem to tune out or turn off. It tells you your house isn't clean enough. That you don't have enough options on the table. That the tension between Mom and Aunt Gertrude will be the only thing anyone remembers.
Here's the thing about that voice: it's telling you a story. A made up situation, written by what I call the adversary. Its whole job is to loop and loop the worst case scenarios, and it is very good at its job. Part of that is simply biology. Our brains are wired to scan for threat, and rehearsing the worst feels like preparing, even when all it does is drain us.
So try this question: of all the disasters that voice has predicted, how many actually happened the way it said they would?
Be honest. I'll wait. And yes, sometimes it's right. Families are families. But even when the voice gets the forecast right, all that worrying never changed the outcome. It just made you live through it twice.
It's Not Just a Holiday Thing
The holidays just turn up the volume. That voice speaks up all year long:
It tells you that you can't.
It reads a side eye from someone and decides they must not like what you said, did, or are wearing.
It keeps you small.
It keeps you from taking the first step toward something you've been dreaming about for years.
It is deafening in some people (hand raised, this is actually what brought me to hypnotherapy) and a little softer in others. But it's with all of us.
Your Thanksgiving Practice: Notice, Call It Out, Flip the Script
Notice. Catch the moment the voice starts to pick up. The jump in your chest, the sudden mental to-do list, the movie of Aunt Gertrude and Mom going at it over the stuffing.
Call it out. Name it. Out loud or in your head, say "there's the adversary again." It sounds silly, but it works, because it creates a gap between you and the story. You stop being inside it and start observing it.
Flip the script. The voice's job is to hand you the worst possible outcome, so hand it the best one. Aunt Gertrude and Mom actually behave. The meal is the highlight of everyone's week. You land somewhere in the middle, and the middle is usually pretty good.
And If the Worst Case Does Happen?
Let's be real for a moment. Sometimes Mom and Aunt Gertrude do get into it over the mashed potatoes. No amount of worrying, planning, or strategic seating charts can guarantee they won't.
And here is the freeing part: you are not responsible for managing everyone else's emotions, or for making sure everything goes perfectly. You can't control how other people behave. You can control how you respond. You can pour another glass of wine, step outside for some air, change the subject, or simply let the fireworks happen without making them yours to fix.
Your job isn't to prevent every storm. It's to know you can stand in one and be okay.
The Reality Check: Letting Go of Holiday Expectations
Your house is clean enough.
You have plenty of options for everyone, and probably everyone they know too.
Aunt Gertrude and Mom could actually behave this year.
And if they don't, it makes for a great story later.
Notice the voice. Hear what it's telling you. Just because it's predicting something doesn't mean it's going to happen. And even if it does, you get to choose how you respond.
Then tell it to shush up, so you can enjoy your pumpkin spice and everyone nice.
And if that voice follows you well beyond the holidays, it's usually running on something much older than this year's dinner menu. That's exactly the kind of pattern hypnotherapy is built to find and gently rewrite. If you're curious, reach out and let's talk.